Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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