I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
YAS. BRING CRAB.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
