if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
