Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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