WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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