Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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