i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
