at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
