Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
