that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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