It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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