Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
