So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
