I didn't shave. On purpose
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
