Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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