I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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