Four minutes until I can fart!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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