I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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