shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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