my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
