I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
