I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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