Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
