I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
