watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
