So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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