I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
