Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
