Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
