people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
