ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
50% drunk capacity currently
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
