Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
