i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
