How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize