smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
