I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
