We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
