Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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