so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
