now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
