so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
