you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
