hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
