Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
