Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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