Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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