In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
