Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
