just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
