My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
