Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
