you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
