I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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