Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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